Chapter 3 Ecstasy
For once there was an unknown land, full of strange flowers and subtle perfumes, a land of which it is joy of all joys to dream, a land where all things are perfect and poisonous...
Year, 2003.
Season, summer.
Location, somewhere inbetween Asian and European Continents.
Speed, donno.
Height, not sure.
"Look, Frankford!" she happily whispering to my ear. I was asleep. But I joined her at the tiny window immediately. Europe, land of civilisation, mythology, aristocracy, revolution, and all things with history and beauty (and of course, land of blood shed, massacre, slavery, invasion, errogancy, if you like). It must have been ten hours at least that we stayed in the air plane, and both of us were glad to find the sunshine spreading on the vast green land throught the cloud.
It was the beginning of this trip, trip to a new found land for us. Little did we know, it was also a trip to the heart of darkness, or the darkness of hearts.
She looked at me with an extremely sweet smile. That was her most distinct characteristics, that smile. One can melt in it. She kissed me softly. And we both fell asleep again, my hand in hers.
We were on the plane to Great Britain, the United Kingdom (a rather bizarre name for a nation). I was just mustered out of the Republic of China Army, eager for a new life, a new world. Intellectual career was her ambition, and I simply wanted to experience living abroad, and see if I can understand what modern academia was all about. But above all these, it was our only chance to be in the same country. Border line, the great invention of modern world, money and lives put onto it only to strengthen our belief that people might hate and hurt each other only because of different languages or skin colors. We planned to overcome the world and free ourselves from its restrictions. One day, there would be a land of our own, a garden long lost. We were both living on dreams.
Year, 2003.
Season, winter.
Location, Colchester, Essex county, UK.
It was funny how beautiful people look when they walk out the doors. She cried, so hard that I felt fear growing inside of me. An autumn had passed, so had the gorgeous time we shared.
"You didn't even call! Not once! d'you know how I worried about you?" tears covered her beautiful face, looked in my eyes grotesquely distorted.
I called in fact, she didn't get the ring. Things like this happened, two people, so in love, out of some inconsiderable misunderstanding, hurt each other deeply.
Yet that did not really explain anything. Why did I leave in the first place? That was the question. Bored? of her? of life in the small pretentious town? I don't know. Terry told me half years later, he decided to break up with Andre because he needed a space of himself. How odd, demand of one's life demands the breaking of the other's heart. "Love one as one really is," says who? And who listens?
She got her ticket the next morning, three days later, she flew back to Asia.
Day, four days ago
"So what's it? You don't love her any more?"
"...."
"Anyway, are you coming or not? I am leaving very soon, and I plan to spent the last three nights in clubs."
Kid was leaving UK. In fact she had been in London for about three months. After finishing her study in the State, instead of going back to Taiwan, she moved to England, trying to write a novel about her experience in New York. We had a fight about drug ab-use before, so she promised me to stay beside me when I gave it a go. In fact it was not even the experience of E or clubbing that I was looking for, I simply wanted to spend some time in London, with Kid. It's a pretty absurd friendship we shared. Kid, not a lesbien, sportive, quick wit, a Christian praying when she's high, has every quality that I lack. I asked her once, when I heard the death of Yang Mu-gu, a widely respected pastor, that how did we start to getting close? She said that was possible the time when she told me about her suicide plan, when I didn't object.
First time using Ecstasy, I was stoned in the beginning, like all tiredness was squeezed out of my body. They all came surrounding me, asking me how I felt. Andre pulled me up and led me to the hall. "Dance, or you'll fall asleep," he said. I tried, yet the spinning feeling remained. I scrunched at the corner of the hall, trying to keep my mind clear and my body relax. It was so intense. Andre stick a small bottle into my nose, asked me to inhaust it. I ran to the toilet right after following his instruction. Throwing up like hell.
And then magic thing happened. Coming out of the toilet, I gredually awoke. With every step I felt my sensation sharpened, to an extent as if I had never feel things before. The music became layered, and the lighting excessive. Above all, I felt "me". So brisk, so airy, confident, calm, able to embrace people and things. "I had never been so disenchanted in my life!" I shouted at Kid's ear. She returned me a witty, all-knowing smile. "Go, have fun," she shouted back.
So I did.
Year, 2003.
Season, summer.
Location, somewhere inbetween Asian and European Continents.
Speed, donno.
Height, not sure.
"Look, Frankford!" she happily whispering to my ear. I was asleep. But I joined her at the tiny window immediately. Europe, land of civilisation, mythology, aristocracy, revolution, and all things with history and beauty (and of course, land of blood shed, massacre, slavery, invasion, errogancy, if you like). It must have been ten hours at least that we stayed in the air plane, and both of us were glad to find the sunshine spreading on the vast green land throught the cloud.
It was the beginning of this trip, trip to a new found land for us. Little did we know, it was also a trip to the heart of darkness, or the darkness of hearts.
She looked at me with an extremely sweet smile. That was her most distinct characteristics, that smile. One can melt in it. She kissed me softly. And we both fell asleep again, my hand in hers.
We were on the plane to Great Britain, the United Kingdom (a rather bizarre name for a nation). I was just mustered out of the Republic of China Army, eager for a new life, a new world. Intellectual career was her ambition, and I simply wanted to experience living abroad, and see if I can understand what modern academia was all about. But above all these, it was our only chance to be in the same country. Border line, the great invention of modern world, money and lives put onto it only to strengthen our belief that people might hate and hurt each other only because of different languages or skin colors. We planned to overcome the world and free ourselves from its restrictions. One day, there would be a land of our own, a garden long lost. We were both living on dreams.
Year, 2003.
Season, winter.
Location, Colchester, Essex county, UK.
It was funny how beautiful people look when they walk out the doors. She cried, so hard that I felt fear growing inside of me. An autumn had passed, so had the gorgeous time we shared.
"You didn't even call! Not once! d'you know how I worried about you?" tears covered her beautiful face, looked in my eyes grotesquely distorted.
I called in fact, she didn't get the ring. Things like this happened, two people, so in love, out of some inconsiderable misunderstanding, hurt each other deeply.
Yet that did not really explain anything. Why did I leave in the first place? That was the question. Bored? of her? of life in the small pretentious town? I don't know. Terry told me half years later, he decided to break up with Andre because he needed a space of himself. How odd, demand of one's life demands the breaking of the other's heart. "Love one as one really is," says who? And who listens?
She got her ticket the next morning, three days later, she flew back to Asia.
Day, four days ago
"So what's it? You don't love her any more?"
"...."
"Anyway, are you coming or not? I am leaving very soon, and I plan to spent the last three nights in clubs."
Kid was leaving UK. In fact she had been in London for about three months. After finishing her study in the State, instead of going back to Taiwan, she moved to England, trying to write a novel about her experience in New York. We had a fight about drug ab-use before, so she promised me to stay beside me when I gave it a go. In fact it was not even the experience of E or clubbing that I was looking for, I simply wanted to spend some time in London, with Kid. It's a pretty absurd friendship we shared. Kid, not a lesbien, sportive, quick wit, a Christian praying when she's high, has every quality that I lack. I asked her once, when I heard the death of Yang Mu-gu, a widely respected pastor, that how did we start to getting close? She said that was possible the time when she told me about her suicide plan, when I didn't object.
First time using Ecstasy, I was stoned in the beginning, like all tiredness was squeezed out of my body. They all came surrounding me, asking me how I felt. Andre pulled me up and led me to the hall. "Dance, or you'll fall asleep," he said. I tried, yet the spinning feeling remained. I scrunched at the corner of the hall, trying to keep my mind clear and my body relax. It was so intense. Andre stick a small bottle into my nose, asked me to inhaust it. I ran to the toilet right after following his instruction. Throwing up like hell.
And then magic thing happened. Coming out of the toilet, I gredually awoke. With every step I felt my sensation sharpened, to an extent as if I had never feel things before. The music became layered, and the lighting excessive. Above all, I felt "me". So brisk, so airy, confident, calm, able to embrace people and things. "I had never been so disenchanted in my life!" I shouted at Kid's ear. She returned me a witty, all-knowing smile. "Go, have fun," she shouted back.
So I did.
posted by kevin | 08:27
2 Comments:
Have you ever read _Norweigian Wood_?
Not yet. I only read Murakami Haruki's first novel, long ago, in the army. And you recommend Norweigian Wood?
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